VICTIM or CREATOR

There are people who would seem - from the outside - to have every reason to give up.
And yet, they don’t.

I often think of a young man from Afghanistan whom I had the privilege of accompanying for a while in Austria.

He waited two years for his asylum application to be processed.
Two years of uncertainty.
Two years of limbo.

And during that time, he did something remarkable:
He didn’t just wait.

He learned German.
He completed integration courses.
He volunteered.
He tried to build a life - even though it was still completely unclear whether he would be allowed to stay.

Then his application was rejected.
He had to leave the country.
You could say:
If anyone had every reason to feel like a victim of life, it was him.

And yet, there was something in him that did not give up.

He fled once again, this time to France.
He learned French.
He went through another long and difficult process.
And eventually - after years - he was granted a work permit.

Today, he has built a life there. Not because it was easy.
But because inwardly, he stayed connected to a place many of us lose:
our own capacity to shape our lives.

Often, we carry more than life itself has placed on us

And then there are people whose lives - from the outside - seem secure, privileged, and full of possibility.

And yet, they feel chronically blocked.
Dissatisfied.
Disadvantaged.
At the mercy of life.

Not because their pain isn’t real.
But because we humans do something very human:
We tell ourselves stories about why we can’t.

Why not now.
Why not with this partner.
Not with this past.
Not with this body.
Not with this childhood.
Not in a world like this.

And some of these stories sound so reasonable
that we don’t realize for years
how tightly they are holding us in place.

The victim mindset is often quiet

It doesn’t always arrive dramatically.
Sometimes it sounds almost harmless:

I can’t do that right now because I don’t have time.
I can’t be happy in this relationship until the other person changes.
After everything that happened, I can’t just be free today.

And yes - some reasons are real.
Some wounds run deep.
Some circumstances are hard.

But at some point, another question appears: What still remains in my hands?
Maybe not everything.
But probably more than we believe at first.

Why the victim mindset is so seductive

Because it relieves us - at least for a moment.
As long as the problem lies entirely outside of us,
we don’t have to move.

Then it’s someone else’s fault.
Politics.
Our partner.
Society.
Our childhood.
The circumstances.
The wrong timing.

And sometimes, that even feels connecting.
It’s easy to meet others in the place
where it’s already clear who is to blame.

But as understandable as that is:
it does not make us free.

Because as long as we only describe what is keeping us stuck,
we have not yet entered the space
where change becomes possible.

Perhaps part of the heaviness lies not only in what happened,
but also in how deeply we identify with it.

And when that tight connection loosens, even just a little,
something unexpected often begins to appear:
more space.
more movement.
and sometimes, even a little freedom.

When we come back into our strength

There is a feeling that arises when we take responsibility -
not as a burden, but as a return to ourselves.

In psychology, this is called self-efficacy:
the experience of knowing that our actions make a difference.
And that experience changes something.
Not only in the mind, but deep within.

When we begin to act instead of only explaining ourselves,
something often begins to grow that has been missing for a long time:
self-respect.
dignity.
an inner sense of rising.

Not because everything suddenly becomes easy.
But because we begin to feel again: I can do something with my life.

Awareness as a beginning

Maybe it is less a question of
“How do I get out of this?”
and more a question of:
“Can I see what I am telling myself right now?”

Because the moment something becomes visible,
it often loses a little of its power.

And suddenly, something new can begin.

Maybe change does not start with a big step.
But with a moment of honesty toward ourselves.
To see where we are holding ourselves in place.
Without judgment.

Same situation.
New perspective.

LUMA – It begins in you

Mini Practice

Take a quiet moment today
and think of something in your life that feels heavy right now.Then ask yourself:
What is actually here - and what am I adding to it internally?
Sometimes, that difference alone
is already the first step toward freedom.

Reflection Question

Where in my life am I currently experiencing myself as a victim of a situation -
and what would change if I were to loosen my inner grip on it, just a little?