COMPARISON

Why do we spend so much time looking left and right - and so little time looking within?

He's fitter. She's slimmer. My colleague earns more. She has the newest smartphone. He rides the latest bike.
My friend's child plays better tennis.

The list seems endless. And if I'm honest, this constant comparing often leaves me feeling exhausted.

An Ancient Program

Evolutionary psychology suggests that our brain was never designed to make us happy. Its primary purpose is to keep us alive. That's why, from the very beginning, it learned to pay close attention to other people.

Almost constantly, it scans our social environment, asking questions like:
Am I still part of the group?
Where do I stand compared to others?
Am I valuable enough?
Am I at risk of being excluded?

Thousands of years ago, these questions were vital for survival. Humans depended on their tribe. Being excluded meant losing protection, food and support - often with life-threatening consequences.

Our brain therefore developed a mechanism that constantly monitored our social status:
Who is stronger?
Who has more influence?
Who receives recognition?
Do I still belong?

Comparing ourselves wasn't a character flaw. It was a remarkably intelligent survival strategy. The fascinating part is that our brain still follows this ancient program today. Only our world has changed.

Our ancestors compared themselves with the people in their village. Today, we compare ourselves with the entire world - amplified by the internet and social media.

And most of the time, we compare our whole life to a tiny highlight from someone else's. No wonder self-doubt, envy and the feeling of not being enough arise so easily.

Who Benefits from Our Comparisons?

Marketing and social media understand our brain remarkably well. Many advertisements don't primarily speak to our rational mind - they speak to our deepest longings. They don't just sell products.
They sell recognition.
Belonging.
Freedom.
Success.

Sometimes we don't buy the product at all. We buy the hope that it will make us feel a certain way. Long ago, we compared ourselves to survive. Today, entire industries profit from keeping us comparing.

Perhaps we aren't missing nearly as much as we believe. We're simply reminded every single day of everything we're supposedly lacking.

We Only See a Small Part of the Story

Whenever we envy someone or compare ourselves to them, we easily forget one thing: We only ever see a tiny fragment of their life. We usually see the spotlight.
Not the doubts.
Not the setbacks.
Not the sacrifices.
Not the years that came before.

And sometimes we question our entire life because of a single snapshot from someone else's.

Finding Our Own Path Again

This is the true cost of constant comparison: We slowly lose sight of our own path. We invest enormous amounts of energy trying to become more like someone else.

At the same time, we spend less and less time asking ourselves: What do I actually want? Independent of what everyone else is doing.

I often wonder how we can shift our attention back from the outside world to our inner one. Away from constantly measuring ourselves against others - and back toward our own values, needs and longings.

To me, the answer isn't to fight comparison or try to eliminate it completely. It's to become more curious. To look more closely. And to ask ourselves what each comparison is trying to tell us about ourselves.

Envy - The Shadow of Our Society

I know envy. Not just from books. From my own life.

As a child, I envied my brother. Growing up in a very male-dominated family, he enjoyed freedoms I didn't have. I also envied my sister, who barely studied and still came home with excellent grades. Later, I envied friends who advanced faster in their careers or were stronger athletes.

I didn't like this feeling. I felt ashamed of it. So I pushed it away. I denied it - not only to others, but also to myself. Today I understand that I never actually wanted their lives. I wanted the feeling I associated with their lives.
Recognition.
Freedom.
Ease.
Self-confidence.

In our society, envy is considered an emotion we're not supposed to show. It's surrounded by shame. As children, we're told: "Don't be jealous." So we learn to get rid of the feeling as quickly as possible.

And yet, almost all of us experience envy. Very few of us ever talk about it. So it becomes a shadow emotion - something we'd rather suppress than understand. Ironically, that often costs us far more energy than the envy itself.

Today I no longer see envy as a sign of weakness. I see it as an invitation to honest self-reflection.

When Envy Becomes a Compass

When envy remains hidden in the shadows, it can easily turn into resentment. But when we become aware of it, it can become a guide. The other person becomes a mirror.

The real message lies within our own longing. Only when we consciously acknowledge our envy can toxic envy become wise envy.

Instead of asking: "Why does he have that? He doesn't even deserve it." we can ask: "Why does this touch me so deeply?" The moment our attention returns to ourselves, growth begins.

Recently I heard a sentence about envy that deeply moved me: Light your own fire with someone else's spark.

That is exactly what this is about. Not making someone else smaller. Not begrudging their success. But having the courage to look beyond the envy. To the doors within ourselves that perhaps are still waiting to be opened.

Sometimes another person's light helps us rediscover our own.

What We Choose to Do with It

Tomorrow our brain will probably look left and right again. That isn't a flaw. It's simply an ancient program. But we can choose whether we believe every comparison.

Whether we turn it into a judgment. Or into an invitation to rediscover our own path. Perhaps maturity reveals itself when our self-worth no longer depends on comparing ourselves with others.

Then we can genuinely celebrate another person's success - without feeling that our own becomes any smaller. In this way, competition can become connection.

And our own lives can become a little lighter. A little more peaceful.

LUMA – It begins in you.

Mini Exercise
Today, simply notice how often you compare yourself to other people.
Don't judge it.
Don't try to change it.
Just notice the thought with curiosity and ask yourself:
What is this comparison trying to tell me about myself?

Reflection Question
What longing might be hidden behind the comparison that occupies your mind the most right now?